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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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First off, I hit up the Otara Markets on Bairds Rd. You know, the ones that are like a treasure chest of food and culture? I was stoked for some mean kai. I’m talking about those mean-as hangi pies. But guess what? They were sold out! I was like, “Are you kidding me?!” I mean, who runs out of pies at 10 AM?

Wrapping up the year with Christmas